The Curious Lives of R Lutece
by Insane Guy of DOOM
Summary: A series of one shot, Lutece-themed prompts given to me via tumblr. They primarily focus on the Luteces' lives post-Robert & Rosalind are Dead. Rating is now T, but only for chapter 6, the rest are rated K.
1. Proposes, Proposed, Will Propose

_Welcome to a series of prompts I was given on tumblr about the Luteces. This isn't a true sequel to Robert & Rosalind are Dead, but most of these prompts are set in the same continuity. Consider them more as slices of their post R&R are Dead lives, and of course there are some that will have nothing to do with that. _

_This first prompt came from autisticluteces and was "fluffy marriage proposal"._

Proposed, Proposes, Will Propose

The Luteces had chosen to make Robert's native reality their home, opening a tear leading to New York several months after he 'vanished'. This would be just the right amount of time for Robert to pass off his absence as a sojourn to England for family business, where he happened to meet his lovely fiancée Rosalind… they were still deciding on a surname for her.

Robert had gotten a job as an assistant professor at Columbia University, while Rosalind was bedridden from trans-dimensional sickness. Perhaps due to their previous quantum state, the effects weren't as strong on her as they had been on Robert when crossed over to Columbia. Once Rosalind had recovered, she'd join Robert's teaching job and they would marry. Until then, they'd managed to repossess Robert's old home through cashing a stockpile of silver eagles they'd brought from Columbia. It was no Lutece Labs, but it was something.

They had considered passing themselves off as already wed upon arrival, but Robert thought official documentation would be helpful in the long run.

On Saturday three weeks after they first arrived, Rosalind lay in bed, leafing through a quantum physics textbook Robert had borrowed.

"Hmm, I can hardly believe how inaccurate these theories are," She scoffed. "Perhaps we should've chosen a more scientifically progressive time period?"

Robert was seated several feet away. He was looking through advertisements and address books for an inexpensive, no-questions-asked chapel. Neither of them wanted any sort of ceremony, just the documentation that would finally let them be seen as husband and wife by the world at large.

"It would be much more difficult to integrate into a world neither of us were from," He responded. Robert got up and kissed the top of Rosalind's head. "How're you feeling? Any better?"

"I haven't hemorrhaged in three days," Rosalind smiled, "By the end of next week, I am positive I shall be fully recovered."

"Don't push yourself too much, we have our whole lives ahead of us." Robert went back to his chair and resumed scanning the advertisement section of the daily paper. While looking through the ads, a thought popped into his head. One that he could not ignore.

"Rosalind, come to think of it," he began, "I never actually proposed to you, or you to me. And yet here I am planning a wedding." He smirked.

"We've long past the opportunity for such things."

Robert ignored the comment and stood up. "Yes, but it seems wrong not to do so. As if we are skipping a vital step."

"You're putting far too much thought into this. You want to marry me, I want to marry you, and thus we shall be wed. There is nothing else that needs to be discussed." Rosalind had no care for such petty displays of affection when they already perfectly understood the feelings of each other.

Robert had grabbed his coat and was leaving the bedroom.

"Where are you going?" Robert declined to answer. "Brother, do not do what I think you're going to do. You are _not_ buying me an engagement ring!"

Robert had already left the room.

###

He returned two hours later, arms full of groceries. "If you're feeling up to it, I'm making dinner. I can bring it up here though if you'd prefer."

"That's fine, a little walking ought to help my constitution." Rosalind leaned back against the headboard in relief. She didn't _not_ appreciate Robert's desire for traditional romance, but at the same time they couldn't afford to spend money on anything non-essential quite yet. Not until they were more established and Rosalind was healed, at least.

She carefully got out of bed, finding herself a little dizzy standing on two feet. It was better than being unable to stand due to a lack of blood though, so she staggered out of the bedroom and towards the kitchen.

There was a minor impediment in her journey she had forgotten to take into account: the stairs. Rosalind grimaced. She didn't want to have to call Robert for help getting down, but her unsteadiness presented a high risk of injury. Determination won out against fear and Rosalind gripped the banister with both hands. She stepped down with one foot, then the other.

It was slower going than normal, and Rosalind was panting with exhaustion by the end, but she reached the first floor. _Ha, you'll be well in next to no time_, she thought. After a momentary pause, Rosalind walked towards the kitchen. Much like the Lutece Labs, the stairs were located at the front door, so she had to turn around to reach it.

Rosalind entered the kitchen to see Robert down on one knee, a small box held tightly in his palm. She groaned.

"Rosalind, will you marry—"

"Yes; I will. We've already established that. Also we shouldn't be spending money on such frivolities."

Robert frowned. "I bought the cheapest one they had." He opened the box. Inside was a simple, silver ring lacking any other adornments. "Could you at least humor me?"

"Very well," Rosalind said. She took the ring and placed it on her ring finger. "Oh, yes, of course I'll marry you, you fool!" She threw her arms around Robert and kissed every inch of his face.

Robert smiled. He could tell Rosalind's enthusiasm wasn't an act, no matter how much she tried to pass it off as one. It helped too that she whispered "I love it, brother," into his ear.


	2. Peak of Serenity

_This prompt is an odd man out, with nothing whatsoever to do with Robert & Rosalind are Dead, in fact this one is a crossover with World of Warcraft. The original prompt was from anonymous and was "robert and rosalind learning a martial art". _

Peak of Serenity

"So, you wish to train in the ways of the monk?" Master Cheng grinned sagely at his two newest recruits. The recruits, a human man and woman, nodded but without much conviction. Cheng was used to teaching pandaren like himself, but ever since the mists had parted, all sorts of strange outsider races had come to the Peak to train under him and the other masters. He and his new students were on one of the main rises of the Peak of Serenity, a series mountain bluffs located high in the frozen Kun Lai Summit.

In lieu of their traditional suits, Robert and Rosalind were donned in the attire of monk initiates. A black vest, rope belt, and black pants which came down midway between their ankles and knees. They were positive that if not for the benefits of their quantum superposition, their bare feet would be suffering from frost bite. Master Cheng wore more regal dressing befitting a monk master. He too was barefoot without any sign of the cold bothering him, but then again he was a six foot tall, bipedal, sapient panda.

"Students from all skill levels train here at the Peak of Serenity, so do be intimidated. I am sure you will quickly advance in our ranks and chose a discipline," Cheng smiled, showing his fanged teeth. "But first you must acquaint yourselves with the most basic of our abilities."

"Let us start with the blackout kick. A simple, yet highly effective technique." Cheng motioned to a t-shaped wooden pole with two, green punching bags hanging from either side of it. "Allow me to demonstrate." Cheng turned to face the punching bag and swung his right leg forward in a roundhouse kick that the Luteces' would have thought impossible given his rotund form. As his foot connected with the sandbag a mass of black energy trailed from the kick and burned against the bag's surface.

Cheng turned back to the Luteces and pressed his palms together, then bowed. "Now you try."

This venture had been Robert's idea, so Rosalind glanced from him to the punching bag, wordlessly telling him to go first. Robert stepped up the bag and tried to mimic the half-crouched, arms forward combat stance he'd seen some of the other trainees use.

He tried to swing his leg out as Master Cheng had done, but ended up spinning around while missing the sandbag entirely. Robert managed to do a complete circle before toppling over onto the frozen stone ground.

"Do not attempt a spinning crane kick," Master Cheng scolded. "That is for far more advanced students." He pointed a clawed finger at Rosalind. "Now you try, and don't attempt to impress me with complex techniques like your comrade. It will get you no favors."

Rosalind stepped over Robert, who was still acquainting himself with the ground, to attempt her own blackout kick. Upon lifting up her leg, she swayed back and forth, throwing her arms out for balance. This was not enough and she fell backwards onto Robert. Master Cheng covered his face with his paw.

"You know," Robert said, "I think I've learned enough martial arts for one day."

Rosalind nodded. "Agreed. The cold bothered me, anyway."

The twins blinked away from that reality, leaving Master Cheng in a stunned silence. Then he clutched his generous stomach and released a deep belly laugh. "Ah-ha! I see, Chani's newest brew must be more potent than I thought!"


	3. Maternity Leave

_Also from anonymous, this prompt was "Lutece babies!" _

1894

New York City

The door to the Lutece residence was shoved open, with a struggling Rosalind being pushed in by Robert.

"Of all the indignities! The nerve! Forced maternity leave! What, do they think I'm going to go into labor in the middle of a lecture?" Rosalind was livid. Robert was just trying to steer here to the front room without accidentally hitting her heavily gravid stomach against anything.

"It's just because if you stayed on and something happened to you, we'd have grounds for a lawsuit against them," Robert said, while settling Rosalind into the nearest chair. "Besides, it's only a few weeks until you're due. We can even hire a nanny if you want to get back to work immediately after they're born."

Rosalind calmed a bit, delighting herself with scenarios of suing the Columbia University faculty. Robert got on his knees and pressed the side of his face to her stomach.

"Hello little ones," He cooed. "Can you hear me?"

Rosalind sharply inhaled, and Robert looked up at her. "What's wrong?"

"I think they recognize your voice, brother." She answered in a strained voice.

"Really?"

"Yes. Whenever you try to speak to them, they kick me in the bladder." Rosalind frowned in mock-annoyance.

"Oh… sorry." Robert started to stand up.

"I didn't mean you should stop," Rosalind smiled at him. "It's a worthy sacrifice to ensure their prenatal enrichment."

Robert went back onto his knees and began to whisper various nothings into her stomach. Rosalind leaned back and closed her eyes. It was still hard to imagine that in a few short weeks, she and Robert would be parents. She was especially floored that they would be having twins. It had taken long enough for Robert to convince her _one_ child was a good idea.

Then again, Rosalind was positive she would never forget the look of pure joy on Robert's face when he had first tried to listen for their child's heartbeat only to tell Rosalind in complete awe that he heard _two_.

Rosalind was jarred from her thoughts as she heard Robert begin to sing.

"_Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream…_"

"What are you doing?"

Robert jumped. "Oh, I… wasn't quite sure what to say to them." He scratched the back of his head and looked away.

Rosalind leaned her head down as close to her stomach as possible. "_Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream."_


	4. My Pal, Elizabeth

_This prompt comes from "cassiopeium" and was "Hey! I know this prompt is more OC-centric, so what about the Lutece kids and Anna having wacky shenanigans? Like during childhood they invent an elaborate game with their imagination? Or when they're teenagers, one of them plans out a party while their parents are away and it spirals out of control? (okay that one's really outlandish omg you don't have to answer this right away feel free to ask me to elaborate! :D )"_

_This is also the first of these prompts which takes place entirely after Robert & Rosalind are Dead, being set roughly a year after the final scene in R&RaD._

My Pal, Elizabeth

"Anna, where did you learn how do to that?" Ronald Lutece gasped.

Anna DeWitt, age nine, had somehow managed to take a stray hairpin and use it to unlock the door to Lutece residence's 'off-limits' room. Ronald and Rosamond's parents had always said it was where they kept experiments far too dangerous for children to be around, but of course that only made them want to go inside even more.

The twins had only offhandedly mentioned that to Anna when she came over to play. Now they were on the brink of actually going inside.

"Elizabeth taught me," Anna answered. She stuck her tongue out in concentration to remove the hairpin without damaging it or the lock.

"I didn't teach you anything! Besides, nobody's allowed to call me that." Rosamond crossed her arms over her chest and pouted. She didn't like liars, mother always said that liars falsified data and then your experiments would never be completed.

"Not you, Rosa, this is a friend I have whose really named Elizabeth. Not a middle name like yours."

"Oh, can we meet here?" Ronald's eyes widened. Anyone who taught how to pick locks was worth meeting. They must know all sorts of wonderful information that his parents wouldn't talk about, like where babies come from.

Anna averted her eyes from the twins. "Well, I don't think so." She pushed open the door. "Let's just see what's in here."

"And _why_ can't we meet her?" Rosamond leaned in closer to Anna.

"Even I can't meet her like, in person," Anna raised her palms up in surrender. "She's… it's like… I remember being her but I don't think I was… It's weird."

Rosamond smiled. "Oh, I get it!"

"You do?" Ronald was looked between them, slow on the uptake.

"She has an imaginary friend, brother."

"Elizabeth is _not_ imaginary!" Anna stamped her foot.

"Exactly what someone with an imaginary friend would say," Rosamond smirked.

"Sister, should we be so quick to judge?" Ronald smiled at Anna. "Maybe she's right?" Anna looked away and blushed.

"Enough of this! If Elizabeth is real, we need to prove it like mother and father would," Rosamond raised her index finger matter-of-factly. "With science!"

"We can use your parents' special lab room!" Anna motioned towards the opened door. The three had nearly forgotten about it in their debate over 'Elizabeth'.

The room was pitch black on the inside. Ronald groped along the wall and found a light switch. The lights flickered on, revealing rows of shelves covered in strange objects. Some were empty, triangular bottles labeled "Lutece Labs," others were broken machinery.

"Hmm," Ronald mused. "This must be where they keep their failed experiments."

Anna went over to a table and picked up a glass container with a floating miniature building inside. "Look at this! It's the weirdest snow globe I've ever seen!"

"How does that building float?" Rosamond leaned closer to the 'snow globe' and inspected the building.

"Elizabeth knows about floating buildings! She shows me them sometimes, when I'm remembering being her."

"That _is_ odd," Ronald said.

"Children," a male voice called from below. "What are you doing up there? I hope you're not where I think you are."

Anna dropped the snow globe, which thankfully didn't break. The three rushed out of the off-limits room, shoving the door closed behind them. Footsteps started up by the bottom of the stairs, and the children froze.

Ronald looked over to Anna. "What if we asked father about Elizabeth? He knew about the buildings?"

"You can't!" Anna whisper-shouted back. "Grown-ups can't know about her. I tried to tell my dad about Elizabeth once, and he got a bad headache and his nose bled everywhere! It was really scary."

The footsteps grew closer, and Robert Lutece rounded the corner. "They you are. What are you doing near that room?"

Anna, Ronald and Rosamond froze in guilt for a moment, then broke out into laughter. "What? Is there something wrong?"

"Father," Rosamond managed to force out between giggles. "Where are you eyebrows?"

Robert ran his palm over his forehead and frowned when he felt nothing but smooth skin where his eyebrows should have been. "Oh dear."

"I… need to go warn your mother that our newest infusion has some… side effects," Robert turned to leave. "And please stay out of that room."

"Why is my middle name Elizabeth?" Rosamond asked. Robert stopped mid step.

"Because… it's a very nice name," Robert's eyes darted from side to side. "Perhaps you three should come with me. Your mother's eyebrows have probably fallen out by now, and after that situation is addressed I'll make you all some lunch."

The idea of lunch was enough to distract the kids from their line of questioning, for a short while, at least. They followed Robert down the stairs.


	5. Delivery

_This prompt came from anonymous and was "follow up to the pregnancy fic, rosalinds water breaks"_

Delivery

"Robert!" Rosalind called out from across the front room of their house. "I believe my water's broken!"

"That's wonderful!" Robert put down the scientific journal he'd been reading, then realized exactly what Rosalind had said. "Wait… Oh God! Oh God!" He ran over to Rosalind. She was breathing heavily, her right hand resting over her stomach.

"B-but, your due date is supposed to be tomorrow!" Robert's fingers were twitching with obvious anxiety. He continuously glanced around, trying to think of what to do next.

"I hardly think one day will make a difference in their health." Rosalind grit her teeth and groaned as a contraction shot through her body.

"The idea was that we would already be at the hospital," Robert said as he began to pace back and forth. "That way we'd be prepared, but it's happening now, I can't deliver a child!" Robert yelled. "We have to go!"

He put his arm around Rosalind's shoulder and began to steer her towards the front door.

"Are you mad? My undergarments are soaked amniotic fluid, I can't just walk to the hospital like thi-" She screamed as another contraction hit her.

"Stay calm, stay calm, stay calm," Robert chanted, directed more at his own emotional state that Rosalind's. "I'll get a taxi! Don't move!" He threw the door open and ran out into the street.  
"I doubt I could if I wanted to!" Rosalind called back. She leaned against the wall and slid down to the floor, her eyes scrunched in labor pain.

Robert stood in the middle of the street, waving madly while shouting "Taxi!" at the top of his lungs. A hackney carriage caught his eye. "Please stop! Taxi!" He ran to the carriage and grabbed hold of it.

The driver snapped the reigns, forcing the horse pulling the carriage to a halt.

"My wife is in labor!" Robert pointed back to the still open door of the Lutece residence. Before the driver could answer, Robert tossed all the change from his pocket at the carriage.

"Fine, just get your wife and-" Robert had already dashed back to the house and was pulling Rosalind through the door. The driver shrugged and pocketed what change hadn't fallen onto the street.

Robert returned to the carriage and lifted Rosalind into it. Once she was settled, he got in and pointed forward, nearly hitting the driver the process. "To the nearest hospital, quickly!"

###

Robert sat in the hospital's waiting room, glancing back and forth and the clock. It had only been fifteen minutes since they'd taken Rosalind away but it felt far longer. The doors into the hospital's patient areas opened and a nurse peeked her head out.

"Mr. Lutece?"

Robert stood up, and stiffed his posture, trying to act composed rather than as a nervous wreck. "Yes? Is everything all right?"

"Actually you need to come back here. Your wife is refusing to cooperate unless you're there."

Wordlessly, Robert followed the nurse into the hall. They came to the delivery room, the nurse holding the door open for Robert. He stepped inside and gasped. Despite Rosalind's apparent refusal to cooperate, things were progressing. He believed the term was that the baby had "crowned" and could not decide whether to be horrified or in awe.

He averted his gaze from actual birthing and walked to Rosalind, resting his hand on her shoulder. "I'm here, Rosalind."

Rosalind grabbed his free and stared up at Robert. She scowled. "You! You did this to me you bastard! I hate you Robert! I hate you!" Rosalind screamed, tightening her grip on Robert's hand until it made an unpleasant cracking sound.

"I love you too, dear." Robert patted her on the shoulder with his other hand.

Rosalind's anger was reduced to incoherent screams as her contractions increased.

"One more push, ma'am." The doctor leaned closer. Rosalind let out a final screech and the doctor pulled away with an infant in his hands. "It's a girl!"

While the doctor severed the baby's umbilical cord, Rosalind leaned back into the hospital bed, utterly exhausted. _A 'Big Sister'_, Robert mused. He tried not to dwell on the thought too long, as focusing too much on their quantum travels could provoke an attack of dimension sickness. Now was not the time to start hemorrhaging.

"One down, one to go." Robert smiled. Rosalind's face darkened at the prospect, but was soon distracted by the next set of contractions as her new daughter's twin began his entry into the world.


	6. Ménage a Lutece

_This prompt came from anonymous and was "How about some Robert/Elizabeth? (Dunno why, I just think it's a cute ship but still secondary to Lutecest)". Also, as many of the prompts have been in continuity with Robert & Rosalind are Dead, I should clarify that this one most certainly is not. _

Ménage a Lutece

Rosalind had often told Elizabeth "One must crawl before they learn to walk," in regards to her new quantum superposition. There had been many unfortunate incidents when, trying to return to the Luteces, she would blink in on them while the twins were in… compromising… positions. Looking back after the fact, Elizabeth felt that the Luteces' complete misinterpreting of those accidents were what had led to her current predicament.

"We understand that your new form of existence may leave feeling unable to relate to normal individuals," Rosalind said.

Elizabeth was sitting on the Luteces' bed in their pocket universe home, the twins standing in front of her like parents giving a lecture.

"And we are aware that at your age certain… urges are made manifest. Ones that you have been denied the chance to explore naturally, in part due to our own actions," Robert added.

"While Robert and I had each other for comfort during these times, we can only imagine what it must be like for you," Rosalind paused, then she gestured at Robert. "Our bond is one that transcends any physical action, so you would not come between us, if that worries you."

Elizabeth frowned, trying to figure out what they were implying. Her eyes shot open with realization. "Wait, are… are you offering to let me sleep with Robert?!"  
"No." Elizabeth breathed a sigh of relief. "We are offering for you to sleep with _us_."

"In Paris they would call it a ménage a trois," Robert said.

"But-but you've known me since I was a baby!" Elizabeth scooted further onto the bed, away from the Luteces.

"And now you are a woman," Robert smiled in an attempt at encouragement. "A… fully developed woman."

Elizabeth tried another strategy to dissuade them. "But-but, Rosalind's a girl! She wouldn't want to—"

"If you are worried that I lack experience in such matters, I'll have you know there a quite a few universes in which I'm a lesbian." Rosalind reached out and put her hand on Elizabeth's shoulder. "So I can assure I know what I'm doing. Or in this case what I'll be doing to you."

"I think there might've been a miscommunication somewhere," Elizabeth gently removed Rosalind's hand from her shoulder. "I mean, you two have been very nice to me, but I'm not sure if…"

Elizabeth paused. While the abruptness of this offer was startling, she could not deny having felt the loneliness and desires the Luteces believed she had. Of course those desires had never been focused on Luteces, but they were there in an abstract sense. Besides, Booker had already _had a child_ when he was nineteen.

The Luteces stood expressionless, waiting for Elizabeth's response.

"Well, I guess… maybe it might be good to… experiment… a little." Elizabeth pushed herself closer to the Luteces. "We can always stop if things aren't…" She trailed off.

"Of course," Robert answered, taking Elizabeth's hand. "We're doing this a favor to you."

"In that case…" Elizabeth smiled. "I guess, let's get going."

###

Elizabeth lay naked in bed, sandwiched between the equally nude Luteces. She looked from one to another in awkward silence.

"So…"

"This might've been a mistake," Rosalind said.

"Definitely," Elizabeth replied.

Robert leaned over to look directly at the two women. "Really?" He frowned. "I had an incredible time." They both glared at him.


	7. The Haunting Hour

_This prompt came from "lutecestintensifies" and was "I had an idea that I think you'd be better suited to write than me. What if the Luteces troll Comstock and Fink on Halloween every year after their deaths?" I might do the next Halloween in the future._

The Haunting Hour

October 31st

1910

Fink had passed out in his "Time for Sleep" private room with a bottle of wine dangling from his hand once again. Halloween was not a holiday celebrated by Columbia, but this particular Halloween held a deep personal significance to him anyway. It was exactly one year from the day Fink had killed the Lutece twins.

There were rumors of course that the twins weren't dead. There had been that funeral photographer who claimed they insulted him on how "un-lifelike" their corpses had been photographed to be. He was now institutionalized, but sightings of the Luteces had popped up from time to time ever since. Especially in less reputable papers like the _Columbian Enquirer_. Jeremiah Fink was not a superstitious man but there was something about today that had wormed its way into his mind. A feeling of unease, a slight hint of dread. So he had done the obvious and drank himself into a stupor.

"Fink…" A hand gently came to rest on Fink's right shoulder.

"Fink…" The hand shook him back and forth. Fink burbled in his sleep and slowly came to. He forced his eyes open and saw two blurry figures standing in front of him. He blinked rapidly to clear his vision and the figures coalesced into Robert and Rosalind Lutece.

"Hello, Fink." Rosalind waved. Fink jumped back, the force almost knocking his chair over. It tottered, but eventually settled itself.

"Th-this isn't possible! You're dead! I killed you!" Fink stammered.

"OooooOoOOoOOOOOoooooooo," Robert began to moan. He walked away from Fink and ran his hand over the nearest table, knocking a flowerpot and voxophone to the floor. Then he went to Fink's wardrobe and began to swing the doors open and closed.

"Wh-what is he doing?" Fink pointed to Robert while staring up at Rosalind for an answer. Bafflement had overwhelmed his shock and terror.

Rosalind pinched the bridge of her nose and glared at Robert. "Brother, he can see us."

Robert either did not hear or ignored Rosalind, as he continued to moan and walked back to Fink. He took Fink's wine bottle and raised it up and down.

"We are not invisible!" Rosalind threw up her hands.

Robert paused, "We're not?" He glared at Fink. "Can you see us?" Fink nodded. "Damn it."

Rosalind sighed and went over to Fink's lamp. She switched it off and darkness enveloped the room. Terrified of what they might do next, Fink scrambled for the lamp and tried to turn it back on, his hands slipping several times before finally re-lighting it.

Fink whipped his head around the room, but the Luteces were nowhere to be seen.

###

"I shall lead us on this visit. You've proven yourself incompetent." Rosalind glared at her brother.

"I was sure we could separate ourselves from one plain of existence enough to appear ethereal, if not completely intangible."

"The ghost idea was childish anyway. If we are going to torment our would-be assassins, we must do so with finesse."

Two appeared in Comstock's bedroom, where the Prophet of Columbia was fast asleep. Rosalind approached him and pulled the covers down.

"Fetch me a razor and some shaving cream if you will," She ordered Robert. He nodded and blinked away, returning in an instant with the necessary materials. "Our 'prophet' hates resembling Booker DeWitt, and facial hair can take such a long time to regrow..."

Rosalind snickered, taking the razor and cream from Robert's hand.

"Shouldn't I be the one doing this? I have actual experience with shaving after all."

"You lost your chance after that last display. Besides, how different could it be from shaving one's legs?" She sprayed out a dollop of shaving cream and began to lather it over Comstock's face.

With a deft swipe, she sliced off a portion of Comstock's beard. The attention caused Comstock to stir, but he did not wake.

"Ooh, Fitzroy…" He muttered in his sleep. "Get your tight butt over here…"

Robert covered his mouth to prevent bursting out in laughter and waking Comstock. Rosalind set the shaving cream can down and did the same with her free hand. The hand holding the razor blade though was now slightly shaking with mirth.

"See, brother, there's nothing to it." Rosalind moved on and nicked Comstock on the cheek. His eyes shot open and Comstock threw himself upright, knocking Rosalind away.

The razor blade deepened the gash on his cheek as it fell away. Comstock clutched at his injured cheek and stared wild-eyed at the Luteces. His face was now half clean-shaven and half bearded.

"Look, he's Zachary Comstock." Rosalind pointed to the bearded half of the prophet's face.

"He's Booker DeWitt." Robert pointed to his shaven half.

"No… he's both," the twins said in unison.

"What devilry is this?!" Comstock shouted.

"He's still trying to take the ground of a religious man," Robert smirked.

"That he is. Father Comstock, I thought murder was a sin?" Rosalind titled her head at Comstock.

"Thou shalt not kill," Robert stated matter-of-factly while raising his index finger.

"You're not real! You-You're not real!" Comstock screamed.

The Luteces stepped walked backwards away from Comstock's bed.

"Oh, we are real," Rosalind began.

"And we are most likely immortal now," Robert continued.

"So we offer you our thanks," Rosalind bowed.

"I'm sure this won't be the last we see of each other," Robert finished.

They stepped further back and disappeared into the shadows. Comstock waited for the Luteces to return and berate him further, but nothing happened. He got up to tend to his still bleeding cheek and noticed, to his absolute horror, that he had wet himself in fright.

###

"Oh I haven't had that much fun since I was a girl," Rosalind laughed.

"Shall we make this a yearly activity then?" Robert asked.

"Most certainly," Rosalind rubbed her hands together. "I already have several ideas for a more satisfying encounter with Fink."


	8. Grand Theft Lutece

This prompt was from anonymous: "the luteces go through a tear and go on a crime spree".

Grand Theft Lutece

"Are you mad?!" Robert threw his hands up in exasperation.

"I indulged you on that business with the girl, it would be only fair for you to do the same for me," Rosalind said.

"But a _crime spree_?"

"Weren't you always captivated by the villains populating the novels we read as children?"

"No." Robert frowned. Since obtaining quantum immortality, the Luteces had committed many acts which would be considered criminal, but always for a greater good. Or at least if the person, like the boy who had picked on both of them in grade school, really deserved it.

"Hmm, an unfortunate variable. Well I promise you no one shall come to any undue harm." She held out her hand. "Do I have your agreement?"

Robert sighed. "Fine." He shook Rosalind's hand and they departed.

###

It was a slow August day in 1975 for the Southwest Bank in San Diego, California. Slow until two immaculately dressed ginger criminals burst through the doors. The few customers shot their arms up while the two bank tellers on duty cowered behind the desks.

The Luteces each had a small handgun and wore pantyhose over their head.

"This is a robbery!" Rosalind waved her gun in front of the bank patrons.

"I'm sure they were already aware of that," Robert said dryly.

Rosalind scowled at Robert, then approached the nearest teller. She shoved her gun at the teller's face.

"You are to take two of your largest bags and fill them the largest sum of money that will fit within."

The clerk nodded and backed away slowly towards the vault. Rosalind turned to Robert, who had his gun trained on the second teller while smiling apologetically.

"Alright, let's go," Rosalind said and stuffed her gun back into her waistcoat's pocket.

"What?" Robert glared. "What about the money?"

"I thought you didn't want anyone hurt, brother?"

"Well, yes, but…"

"The rush comes from the hold-up, which has already passed. It's time for our next act." Rosalind walked to the door and held it open for Robert. "Come on, we're going to get into a high-speed car chase next."

Robert groaned and followed her to out to the street. "You are aware that neither of us know how to drive, right?"

"There are plenty of universes where we were born after the advent of the automobile. We'll just draw on their experiences."

Robert pinched the bridge of his nose and hung his head in defeat. "I'll go find instructions on how to hotwire a vehicle. I doubt any of ourselves have done that before."

"Of course they have, brother. The possibilities are infinite."


	9. Keepsakes

_This prompt came from poster nyxnotnicks and was "Robert and Rosalind must choose what they take with them to their new lives after becoming human again."_

_This one is rated T for some very brief innuendo. _

Keepsakes

Robert came to on the floor of Lutece Labs, only a few feet away from the still sparking Lutece Device. He had expected to feel something; pain, confusion, residual soreness, but no. For all intents and purposes it felt like nothing more than waking up from a long nap had occurred.

He forced himself up to his hands and knees, then paused to see the doors. Nothing. Just the world he was in now. Robert grinned. They'd done it, they were mortal again.

"Rosalind?" He called out.

"What, brother?" She answered back from the other side of the room, in a similar state of awakening.

"We did it!" Robert clambered to his feet, then helped Rosalind up.

"I'm quite aware of that." Rosalind looked around the lab room. Nothing appeared to have been stolen. They had most likely appeared mere hours after their deaths, just as Elizabeth had in Rapture. "Now we'll need to get the device functional again and gather any keepsakes. I cannot speak for you, but I've had enough of Columbia for any number of lifetimes."

Robert went over the Lutece device and inspected a panel to the side. He scratched his chin in thought while examining the exposed wires. "It looks like all Fink did was switch two of the power voltage wires around. It's as if he was barely trying."

"That'll make fixing the device all the easier," Rosalind commented. "I'll get it working again while you gather any supplies we'll need, and any keepsakes you wish to bring."

Robert nodded and walked off towards their former bedroom. It appeared that neither Fink nor his men had been upstairs yet, likely waiting until news of the Luteces' "death" was made official to prevent suspicion. This was exactly the break the twins needed. He entered the bedroom and approached their bed. Robert got on his knees to reach underneath the bed.

He withdrew a medium sized, rectangular box. Inside were the Luteces' life savings, it was filled to the brim with silver eagles. The silver crash of 1893 meant they wouldn't be worth their equivalent in U.S. dollars, but hopefully it would be enough to get them situated until they could find suitable employment. Robert flipped the box's lid open to ensure the silver eagles had not been taken, thankfully they were all accounted for.

The Luteces would have to travel light; there was no telling if they would even be able to secure a home on the other side of the tear. Robert planned to try and repossess his former house, but there was no way of knowing if that would be possible. No way of knowing now that he and Rosalind were no longer omnipotent, at least.

Dwelling on the multiverse brought a sharp pang to Robert's left temple. He clenched his teeth and tried to empty his mind of all thoughts. Already the knowledge they acquired was slipping away. The mysteries of universe really were becoming mysteries once again. To help get his mind off the increasingly muddled knowledge of the universe, Robert began searching for any keepsakes.

He was immediately drawn to a glass container on the nightstand. Floating inside was a miniature replica of Columbia, suspended within the empty space beneath the glass by a Lutece particle. These were fairly common as knick knacks and memorabilia within Columbia, but usually contained only one building. This, given to the Luteces at the same time as their statue was erected, was the only one to contain a replica of the entire city. Robert knew immediately he couldn't part with it.

"Brother, the device appears to be operational now," Rosalind called up through the hole in the floor. "Could you locate the appropriate tear while I gather some items of my own?" Robert leaned out over the hole and nodded to Rosalind. He tucked the container under one arm and held the money box with his other, then headed back downstairs.

He passed Rosalind on the stairs and smiled at her. The excitement was palpable between them and what would soon transpire. Rosalind had noticed the Columbia replica Robert was carrying and approved. They couldn't bring much, there was no guarantee they would be able to store anything, so Rosalind would have to think carefully on what she would take.

Her mind instantly came to a book kept within the bedroom's desk. It was a journal which Rosalind had used for many purposes over the years. Schematics for the Lutece device and other inventions, notes on experiments, and most significant of all, transcripts of her original mores code conversations with Robert. Anything of importance that worked better in writing than recorded on a voxophone had been written down in that book. Rosalind pulled open the desk's left drawer and grabbed the book. It was a simple leather journal, with "R. Lutece" engraved on the front.

"Have you located the right tear?" She asked, leaning over the hole.

Robert held up his open hand, slowly lowering his fingers one by one in a countdown. Once his hand was closed, Robert flicked a switch on the side of the device and the half-formed tear in the center expanded to stable size.

"It should be only few months post my initial departure. It'll be as if I was never gone. Well, as if was gone just long enough to have met my _lovely fiancée_." While Robert spoke, Rosalind had left their bedroom and was descending the stairs.

"Yes, and all your colleagues will marvel at how you seemingly aged sixteen years in those few months." Rosalind stepped in to the lab room with the journal held tightly at her side.

"Not everyone ages gracefully, dear Rosalind," Robert smirked.

"I certainly hope _we_ do."

Rosalind approached the open tear, stopping when she stood next to Robert. They would go through together. Robert glanced over at her and noticed the journal.

"Is that?" He asked, referring to the section containing their conversations.

"Yes," Rosalind answered. "Even now memories of our travels are becoming muddled. I don't want to forget any more than is necessary."

Robert paused for a moment, narrowing his eyes while deep in thought. "There is no way to be certain how much we can retain… Perhaps we should each focus on a particular memory as we cross over. One memory that, above all others, we could not bear to forget. There's nothing to suggest such an act would work, but I feel it's worth a try."

"Indeed it is," Rosalind nodded. "I'd like to remember the moment we first made contact, with that first atom. That is by far the most important moment of our lives."

"I disagree." The Luteces stared at each other, Rosalind confused as how they could possibly disagree on this. "I want to remember the moment we truly met, in person." Robert smiled fondly at the memory. "I could not stop thinking at how beautiful am I as a woman."

"Flattery will get you nowhere, brother," Rosalind chided, blushing slightly.

"Come to think of it," Robert set the box and miniature Columbia down, then walked over the nearby couch. "I wish we could bring this couch with us."

"Why on Earth would you want it? That thing is dreadfully uncomfortable," Rosalind turned her nose up at the aforementioned piece of furniture.

"But think of all the wonderful moments we've shared on this couch," Robert said as he ran his hand over the seat. "Look, we've worn imprints into the cushions." He looked up at Rosalind. "I'm sure we have some time before anyone thinks to investigate the labs again. Perhaps we could…" His gaze darted between Rosalind and the couch. "For old time's sake? We would also be giving ourselves a head start on the second step of our plan."

Rosalind frowned. "Even if by chance we were to conceive on that couch, the trans-dimensional sickness I am sure to receive later would certainly kill any fertilized egg." She paused to think. "However, celebratory coitus as a toast to our new lives would be acceptable."

"No," Robert cringed and shook his head. "The thought of miscarriage has ruined any enthusiasm for such things."

Rosalind smirked. "Then let us depart."


	10. The Haunting Hour 2

_This wasn't a specific prompt. Instead I felt like writing more about the previous "The Haunting Hour" prompt._

The Haunting Hour 2

Fink had tried to push the Luteces' appearance last Halloween out of his mind, that it was just a strangely vivid drunken nightmare. He had never told another soul of the event, but after that night Father Comstock had acted strangely as well. He didn't show his face for over a month, and for a short while posters warning of "the False Shepard" were plastered over nearly every surface in Columbia.

Now, on October the 31st of 1911, Fink spent the day on edge. Every attempt to convince himself that the Luteces' visit had been nothing but a fever dream fell flat. His anxiety only intensified by evening, close to the time when the twins had appeared last year. Fink tried to brush those thoughts away with business, and went to his work desk to review some research notes on his latest inventions.

Within moments of sitting down, the lights began to flicker. Fink chuckled nervously, insisting to himself that it was just some faulty wiring. Then something touched his shoulder. Fink whipped his head around, struggling to turn the chair with him.

"_For he's a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly good fellow,_" Rosalind sang while Robert blew a party horn in sync with her. Robert was also holding a small cake in his hands. "_For he's a jolly-good fellow, and so say all of us!"_

While Rosalind continued singing, Robert handed Fink the cake. Written in blue frosting on top was "Happy 2nd Anniversary of Your (Failed Attempt at) Murdering Us".

Fink set the cake down on his desk and breathed heavily. He got up and stared down the Luteces. "Alright, let me make this clear for you two. I don't know how you survived, but I'm going to find out, and then, I'm going to make sure you stay dead!"

"No, you're not," Rosalind answered. "We already checked. Your failure to kill us is a constant."

Fink turned away and sat back down. "Get out of my office," he rasped. Pushing the cake aside, Fink reached for his notes only for his hand to hit the vacant desk surface. "What? Where're my notes? Lutece!" He kept his back to the Luteces, not wanting to dignify them with eye contact.

"Hotter, you're getting hotter," Rosalind said while pointing to Fink's left foot.

Fink leaned over and felt around the floor by his leg for any papers, he found nothing but dust.

"I'm afraid you are mistaken, dear Rosalind," Robert interrupted, having put the party horn away. "He's very cold." Fink growled. He began to get up from the desk.

"No, brother, I specifically recall hiding them in a location near Fink," Rosalind's comment prompted Fink to sit back down and look through his desk again.

"Oh no, you don't suppose this means…?" Rosalind asked her brother, ignoring Fink entirely.

"I'm afraid so," Robert answered. "I'm terribly sorry, Fink, but we seem to have misplaced your notes."

"Just. Get. Out," Fink hissed through his clenched teeth. The lights flickered again, and Fink was alone.

###

After spending the rest of the evening searching in vain for his research notes, Fink gave up. He decided to take his mind off the day's events with a nice, relaxing bath. The Luteces had not shown themselves again, and Fink thought he was in the clear. He stepped into his modest bathroom in nothing but a robe, and with a towel under his arm.

Hot steam blasted Fink as soon as he entered. The shower curtains were drawn up, and the water was running. He dropped his towel and clenched his fist.

"Who's in there!?" Fink had a pretty good idea who it could be, but he had to be certain. If it turned out to be his son or some maid it would quite embarrassing to be caught screaming about dead scientists.

The curtain was pulled back, and Robert Luteces' head peeked out. "Hello again, Fink." Robert stuck his hand out and waved.

"Why are you in my shower!?" Fink yelled, his nerves plucked raw by the Luteces' return.

"To clean myself, I thought that would be obvious."

Before Fink could articulate a response, another voice came from behind the shower curtain.

"Brother, would you hand me the soap?" Rosalind asked.

Fink clenched his fists so tightly his fingernails nearly broke the skin of his palms. "Why are you _both_ in my shower!?" Horrible images were rushing into his mind.

"To conserve water," Robert answered, "Again, I thought that would be obvious."

"Leave! Leave! Leave!" Fink was screaming now.

Robert nodded and retreated behind the curtain. The water stopped, followed by the curtain being pulled open to reveal the Luteces. What Fink saw nearly broke him.

"Why are you wearing _clothes_ in my shower!?" His face turned a deep red, nearly purple as he shouted.

"Because they needed a wash too," Rosalind said as if it was the most obvious explanation in the world.

Robert's eye widened, and he reached deep into his pocket. "Oh, I just remembered!" He withdrew a soaking wad of paper, ink pooling around it in his hand. "Your notes were in my pocket the entire time."

"Here you go." Robert held out the ruined notes for Fink to take.

"Get out."

###

Father Comstock would not be made a fool of again like last year. He forced himself to stay awake the entirety of Halloween night, sitting patiently by his bed, and waiting. Those godless, incestuous, attempted lamb-stealing traitors would not catch him unaware. It was now well past sundown and the Luteces had not appeared. Perhaps his vigilance had scared them away, or the Lord had finally brought His wrath down upon their sinful beings.

The door to his bedroom slammed shut. Comstock was not startled, he had left the door open a smidge as a trap to lure out the Luteces. He smiled and approached the door to confront them. Perhaps death could not touch them, but the light of holy justice would certainly be far more difficult for them to avoid.

Comstock pulled the door open, but saw no one in the outer hall. He looked from left to right, then closed the door again. Returning to his bed he found that his personal copy of the Bible had been placed on it. Strange, Comstock swore he had left it on the nightstand when he had gotten up.

A page near the middle of the Bible stuck out beyond the others. Curious, Father Comstock took the Bible and opened it to the disturbed page. The text didn't match, nor the font. From all the notes he'd seen over the years, Comstock immediately recognized the new text as one of the Lutece's handwriting. Their handwriting, like many things about them, was nearly identical, so he could not be sure which one of them had defaced his property. Comstock reached over to the nightstand and withdrew his reading glasses. He put the glasses on and began to read.

_"Oh Zachary," Fink moaned. _

_ "Don't worry, my sweet. The Lord has provided us with everything needed for tonight." Comstock winked devilishly. He grabbed a bottle of Lutece Labs Infusion. "It should be suitable for our purposes…" He whispered while pouring the infusion down onto his…_

Comstock slammed the book shut. He would have to burn it. There was no other option.


	11. Our Greatest Work

This was a birthday present for autisticluteces, whose works have inspired me greatly in fanfic writing. Their prompt was "how about rob and rosa right after the kids are born. rosa is tired but happy and they're admiring their babies"

**Our Greatest Work**

"A boy and a girl, the universe must have a sense of irony." Rosalind ignored Robert's comment, too exhausted to do anything but stare at the two newborns swaddled in her arms.

"I hope that twins will satisfy your biological urge, brother. I'm _not_ doing that ever again," Rosalind quipped.

Robert shushed her, glancing around nervously. "Oh calm down. The doctor's been gone since he handed me them back."

"Ah, I hadn't noticed," Robert tugged at his collar. "I couldn't take my eyes off… May- may I hold them?"

Rosalind held the twins up for Robert to take hold of. Once he did, she let her arms fall to their sides, eager to rest them. Robert cradled the infants close.

"Hello little ones," Robert's voice caught in his throat, his eyes getting rather misty, "I'm your father." The twins were both asleep, the birth having taken as much out of them as it had Rosalind. One, with the blankets covering both Robert couldn't be sure which, opened their eyes for a brief moment. The irises were bright blue, matching well with the covering of orange fuzz on the top of their heads.

"They have my eyes and your hair," Robert said.

"Are you mad? They have your hair and my eyes." The two couldn't hold back and chuckled.

"Thank you, Rosalind. They're…"

"Perfect, yes." Rosalind answered. "I'm sorry, but, could I have them back now. It's so odd, after nine months sharing a body with them, to have them be apart from me."

With a little reluctance, Robert handed the twins back to her. "And thank you, as well. I never thought I'd say this about a living thing, but, they truly are our greatest work."

Robert leaned forward and kissed Rosalind on the forehead.


End file.
